


Hidden Hope and Inkspots

by Mickae



Series: Hopes and Stolen Moments [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Circle of Magi, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Journals, Letters, Magic-Users, NotNaive!Cullen, Shameless, Warden Amell - Freeform, note passing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 02:24:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3511733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickae/pseuds/Mickae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A beat up box there is a draft of Lyrium, under it there is hidden drawings, and notes. Are they love letters from a hidden paramour. So who is behind the notes and tasteful drawings. Why is there a familiar quest there. A journey into forbidden love and the costs of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fleeting Stolen Scrolls

**Author's Note:**

> So in this I am putting Cullen's rank as Knight-Lieutenant due to his rank of Knight-Captain in Kirkwall, also I am figuring he is not very naïve around girls. He is also about three years older then my Amell.

_From the Journal of Rhileias Amell_  
Arriving at Circle Tower was nerve wracking. I was terrified of being made tranquil. My father caught wind of Templars finding out about my magic and took us to Gwaren. I was tired of running and hiding so I let the Templars see me turn a pond into ice. I did not want to run. I tried to tell my father this but he would not believe me. He said we would be safer in Kirkwall. Though I heard Templars say horrible things about Kirkwall. Maybe it was fear or tiredness that made me show the Templars my magic. When they cornered us in Gwaren I set my makeshift staff down and told them I surrendered and wanted to be taken to Circle Tower. My father was furious shouting that this could not be done that we were citizens of the Marches and that I belonged in Kirkwall or Ostwick. The journey was hard they barely stopped to make camp. I was so tired when they brought me to the circle I was sure I was going to faint in front of the Knight-Commander and Knight-Lieutenant. I remember being lead off to the Apprentice quarters and a having a hot bath. At some point the Knight-Lieutenant came in to check on me I think. He kept his distance and just simply watched me play chess and talk to Helen.  
It has been about a week and my guards seem to keep changing. I think it is alright I would rather not have guards that are afraid of my witch lights or my primal spells. I was sitting alone trying to read curled up on a couch when I heard the distinct sound plate armor moving. Sitting across from me I could see the burgundy robes. My new guard. I was not expecting him to do anything but then he spoke. “Do you want to Play a game of Chess Apprentice Amell?” Looking up I was shocked Knight-Lieutenant Cullen was my new guard. “Are you sure? I mean can we?” He got this adorable smug smirk on his face and calmly set up the board making the first move. “I do not see why not. Your move.” It was quiet and relaxing just sitting and playing chess with him. “So apprentice Amell are you native to Fereldan?” The question caught me off guard and I almost moved wrong. “I was born in Ostwick, but we moved to Fereldan when I was younger.” I offered him before pulling my hair up and away from my face in a neat bun. “I see so why did you Surrender? From what the Hunters reported there was still chance for you to for you to return to the Marches.” It was a question in a statement Why did you Surrender why not go home? “We could have but I was tired of running. My father would have never allowed me to surrender to Ostwick or Starkhaven. He almost attacked the Templars when I surrendered but I really did not give him a choice in the matter. I left willingly because I was tired.” I said quietly making another move.

 

_Notes on Summoning Compassion Spirits_  
In the sense of Healing some of the most useful spirits are Compassion Spirits. Compassion Spirits are by far the easiest to summon as a simple burst of mana into the fade will send them coming. However I recommend meeting the spirit in the Fade or Dreams first before bringing them into the world. This allows a Healer to create a vocal connection with his or her compassion spirit. Thus making it easier to ask their aid in the real world. As a Spirit Healer you may notice you draw several compassion spirits to you. However I would only recommend seeking the aide of one or two. So in Summery here are the steps I did.  


> •Step One|| I slept and during my dream I entered the fade and sought out a Spirit of Compassion (Hence forth referred to as Hanna)  
>  •Step Two|| Hanna and I discussed her abilities and created a connection to where she can find me outside the fade.  
>  •Step Three|| The following morning I went to a study space in the library and sent a burst of Mana summoning Hanna.  
>  •Step Four|| Hanna helped heal my sprained ankle. (note I did not know I had a sprained ankle)  
>  •Step Five|| Hanna went back into the Fade.

  
I consider this a success and will forward to Senior Enchanter Wynne.  
Apprentice Rhileias Amell.  
(At the bottom of the scroll there is a sketch of the tower mouser and what looks like a Spirit)

 

_From the Journal of Knight- Lieutenant Cullen Rutherford_  
I remember when Apprentice Amell was brought to the Circle. She was tired and looked exhausted. They tried to claim she was an apostate trying to escape but Greagior and Irving did not think she was. Nor did I. I think she surrendered when they tried to capture her. According to the hunters they found her family in Gwaren trying to buy passage to Kirkwall. It would seem Apprentice Amell was tired of running. She is maybe three years younger than me. It is clear to tell she is a Kirkwaller though. Striking fair complexion, Pale icy blue eyes, and raven’s wing black hair that fell to her mid back. Irving took her to the mage quarters while Greagior summoned me to his office. He wanted me to keep an eye on her and the Templars guarding her. Entering the mage quarters I saw her curled up in a bunk next to Helen with a mug of tea talking about a game of chess. It had been two weeks since her arrival and she took to circle life fantastically however many of the Templars guarding her were uneasy because her magic was raw and primal. She preferred elemental magic when she was not healing. I volunteered to be her guard to have her under my charge under the guise of she would do better with an experienced Templar. Watching her heal and then pour over books about healing, the fade, magic in general and take notes. It was enlightening and amusing when she would notice ink stains on her fingers from writing. Today I found one of her scrolls with a doodle. I doubt that scroll will go to Senior Enchanter Wynne.  


_A Note to Apprentice Amell from Knight-Lieutenant Cullen._  
Apprentice Amell,  
I found this very interesting scroll that bares your name. I can only assume Senior Enchanter Wynne requested this. Though I don’t think she requested Mr. Wiggums trying to attack what looks like a spirit. Perhaps you might want to redo this one.  
Knight-Lieutenant Cullen.  


_From the Journal of Rhileias Amell_  
I found that missing scroll it seems like the Knight-Lieutenant Cullen found it. Who names the Tower Mouser Mr. Wiggums? Must have been Anders who started it. I already redid the scroll. I tore off the Sketch and sent it back to Knight-Lieutenant. Maybe it was sarcasm but I had to admit I found it amusing that the Knight-Lieutenant knew the cat’s name.

 

_From the Journal of Knight-Lieutenant Cullen_  
She sent me back the torn off drawing with a little note. ‘Since you knew his name.’ I smiled and tucked it a secret compartment in my Lyrium box. Heading into the library I stood against the wall and watched her cast her spells. She was weak with fire but with Ice and Lightning she is strong and sure in her casting. When it came to shielding and healing she was strong as well. Her magic was sure and it was like a cool chill of Harvestmere. Her mentors were harsh with her but she never let them through to hurt her. At least during the lesson. Once the Mentor left I saw her lean against her staff before gathering her books and heading to one of the courtyards. Quietly I followed her. Her mood changed drastically. It was like a spirit of dread was lingering over her. I watched her curl up against a couch with a scroll. Leaning against a bookcase I let her doodle a bit smiling as she reached out to pet the cat. After about half an hour I went over and sat across from her she looked up her eyes icier then normal probably due to frustration. “Don’t tell me that my Mentor got to you to. He has everyone else convinced I would make an amazing fire mage.” She huffed dipping her quill back into the ink pot. “I promise I am not here about that. You looked like you needed someone to talk to.” I offered gently. “I am sorry I snapped it is just fire magic makes my body burn. It is not a physical burn. It is hard to explain.” She shrugged feeling a huff. I nodded listening it was probably a magical burn or something like that. “Here try this and just breathe and don’t worry about your mentor.” I offered her a cookie it was shortbread my sister sent me. “Thank you Knight-Lieutenant.” She smiled taking on the cookie nibbling on it. She was defiantly feeling better. While it was not quite protection in a way it was. I was keeping her from being mentally vulnerable to a demon.  


_From the Journal of Rhileias Amell ___  
Knight-Lieutenant Cullen Rutherford is really nice for a Templar. I had a hard day with my Mentor. Somehow he got it in his mind that I would make a fantastic Fire Mage. According to him “I need to be more driven.” Even though I can barely stand to cast fire and when I do but it is overpowered. I cannot stand to cast fire because it feels like I am being burned inside out. I had curled up brooding and frustrated. Then he came over and I snapped at him. I had no reason to snap at him but I was just so tired of people telling me I would be a good Fire mage especially when it hurts me. But Knight-Lieutenant was so nice about it he let me explained why I snapped and then gave me I believe a shortbread cookie. I am glad he is my guardian. I feel safe with him around. I hope I never give into temptation.  
Maker Preserve me.

 

_Notes on Storm Magic_  
Personally as a mage I affiliate strongly with Storm magic. Casting Storm Magic is fickle and you need to be strong of will to wield it. In these notes I included ways I control and channel my storm magic.  
In the case of single lightning bolts I do as follows  


> •I picture lightning bolts striking out in the sea outside of Gwaren  
>  •Then Static electricity gathers.  
>  •When enough is gathered I send into my staff keeping my target in my mind.  
>  •Once I send the lightning up into the sky it comes back down on the target.

  


In the case of Staff aimed lightning strikes here is my casting  


> •I picture the same lightning that I saw outside of Gwaren  
>  •I let the static electricity gather channeling into my staff  
>  •I manually aim my staff at the target and let out horizontal bolts of lightning

  


For Lightning Storms of any size here is what I use to cast  


> •I picture lightning storms I saw in clouds late at night when I was a child.  
>  •Static Electricity channels into my Staff electrifying it.  
>  •I picture an area where I wish my storm to go and I cast it there.

  
(There is a drawing of Andraste with lite candles.)  


 _From the Journal of Knight-Lieutenant Cullen_  
Apprentice Amell loves to draw. Her latest is a depiction of Andraste with candles like it looks like she spent a good amount of time in the Chantry. I am almost half tempted if I should rip it off and then send it back. I will just send it back though. She is quiet talented with her scroll.  
I sent the scroll back and sure enough the ripped off drawing came back. This time with this note. “Maybe I am just drawing these for you.” Maybe she is doing them for me but keeping them in my Lyrium box gives me a purpose like I am actually helping someone


	2. Candle Nubs and Quill Tips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Events of Chapter One in A Faint Dawn is Coming.  
> For reference in my Playthrough of DA:O I used Cullen-Mage Romance Mod.

_From the Journal of Rhileias Amell_  
I passed my Harrowing. I woke this morning to Jowan panicking. He probably thought I was made tranquil. It certainly has been on his mind. He thinks they will make him tranquil. He asked about the Harrowing. I did not tell him about it but at the same time I felt horrible. I am sure Irving will call him for his Harrowing. It is only a matter of time. Helen was talking about my Harrowing as well apparently I am brave and it was a quick and clean Harrowing. So I did not imagine the Knight-Lieutenant taking care of me once he got me back to my dorm. I had to admit I blushed a bit when I heard that. Rubbing the back of my neck I put my hair up keeping it loose letting it frame my face. Passing the apprentice dorms I heard about someone mentioning a blood mage. It is hard to believe that a blood mage would be here. Blood Magic it brings up unpleasant memories like my father giving me to one an Amell heading to Fereldan just to keep me out of the circles in the Marches. Passing through the library I heard Gianna mention to me that Cullen loves me. Could it really be that simple?

 _Notes on Grey Wardens, Darkspawn and the War_  
During my meeting with Irving I was introduced to the Warden Commander of Fereldan. Duncan. He reminds me of a pirate. He also seems like an honorable man. He did not seem fond of the idea of Phylacteries. At least it is not just mages who are not uncomfortable with them. After the meeting I was asked to escort him to his quarters. I took the opportunity to ask him about a few topics. He seems to believe there is a horde and an archdemon. I do not know much all we have heard here at the circle is that there are sightings. Apparently after blights Darkspawn just go hide in the deep roads. I feel for the dwarves this must cause daily problems. On another note Duncan came here to recruit mages for the King. That is what Greagior and Irving where arguing about. Duncan seemed very interested in me though. I am not sure the Circle has been my home I don’t think I could leave just like that.  
(Below is a sketch of a staff bearing two wings and a blade)

 _From the Journal of Knight-Lieutenant Cullen_  
Greagior seemed frustrated when he came out of Irving’s office after Mage Amell went in. He had muttered something about fool Grey Wardens not understanding the dangers of mages without Chantry rule. Could it be a Grey Warden has come to conscript mages. I pray to the maker Amell is not being considered for such a conscription. While an honor it would hardern her soul. Hopefully if we are lucky they are hear at bequest of the King and not to conscript. I think Greagior is too hard on mages. They need freedom to use their abilities. Mages are skilled warriors given a chance and can decimate enemy forces. Beyond that though they can be skilled healers and scholars. Field Clinics would be a good idea.

Mage Amell left another scroll in the library. This was on her conversation with the Grey Warden who is apparently the Warden Commander for Fereldan. He seems to confuse her more than anything but from what I have heard the man is evasive and turns topics around. I believe I would even be confused. It looked like in her confusion she became frustrated and broke as few quill tips. A Warden-Commander here though in the tower that is almost as bad as having a Seeker. The rumors about a blood mage seem to be growing and Apprentices are now weary of each other. We really do not need mages turning on each other while we try to find this one. Maker Preserve Me.

 _A Note to Mage Rhileias Amell from Knight-Lieutenant Cullen_  
The Staff drawing tends to be my favorite so far. I always wondered why Staves with blades were not given to mages. Especially those who were summoned for the King’s mustering. As for Duncan’s harshness regarding Phylacteries, I believe he seeks to protect his mages. Grey Wardens are known for their ability to do what is necessary. While this may not always make them popular it can make their mages targets. It would not surprise me if there is a horde preparing for a blight. It would explain why Senior Enchanters Wynne and Uldred along with a few Enchanters went to muster. However perhaps a game of Chess to celebrate your Harrowing?

 _A Note to Knight-Lieutenant Cullen from Mage Rhileias Amell_  
Thank you for returning the scroll, however claiming the drawing before the scroll’s return is hardly fair Knight-Lieutenant. As for a game of Chess that sounds far more interesting than the torture Helen has been making me read. I wonder where she finds these books. I will meet you in the common hall.  
(at the bottom a drawing of a Chess board)

 _From the Journal of Rhileias Amell._  
Maker preserve me. I know the change that Hanna spoke of is not over. It has to have something to do with the Grey Warden. I think I will go prepare something for Cullen just in case something happens. I will have the cook help me make up some Shortbread cookies and make sure he finds them after what happens comes to pass.

 _A Note attached to the box of Shortbread Cookies._  
Dear Cullen,  
That feels right calling you Cullen, since you are like a friend. Someone I trust to protect me when I cannot protect myself. I do not know what has happened at the time this was written. But Andraste bless whatever has happened the Circle has been my family for so long. You have always been near and helped me through many things. If I am taken to the Wardens like I fear I will come back to the Circle. Irving once told me that the Circle always knows her apprentices and guards them as mages. I hope it is true. Enjoy the cookies and always remember that I will find my way back and **I will never do what must be done if it means blood magic.** If you ever wish to write some one in the Spoiled Princess knows how to get messages to me.  
Your Friend,  
Rhileias Amell  
(at the bottom there is a small sketch of Cullen praying to Andraste)

 _From the Journal of Rhileias Amell_  
Jowan is in love with a Priest. It is ~~Forbidden~~ No I must not judge after all Cullen and I have our own secrets now. A stolen kiss and a pendant of protection. But Cullen was not given to the Chantry. Jowan is also going to be made Tranquil because the blood mage rumors are about him. Maker I want to ask Cullen if he has and confirmation that Jowan is a blood mage but I should trust my friend. I do not know how to procced Lily and Jowan want to run away and in order to successfully achieve that they want my help to break into the repository. Maker Preserve me. I thought I left Blood Magic when Giles Amell died in Gwaren. I will go speak to First Enchanter Irving about this. I love Jowan like a brother but something is wrong this is not my friend.

 _From the Journal of Knight-Lieutenant Cullen_  
After Chess with Rhileias Amell I walked her to the Mage quarters. I do not know how it happened Andraste preserve me but we went in and she kissed me and I kissed her back. It is forbidden but it felt so right. I gave her my pendant the same one given to me when I took my first draft of Lyrium. It felt right to give her something that would offer her a small measure of protection. Would she need it in the Circle no but should she ever leave the Circle she will need all the protection she can get. I do not trust this Warden-Commander with her life. He is not a Templar how can he know how to protect her and keep her strong. Taking her from her home It will do a lot of harm.  
I noticed that Rhileias seemed tense almost distraught earlier. She was heading to the First Enchanter’s study. Deep I know it has nothing to do with our stolen moment but there is something eating at her. She could not really talk about it even though she looked like she wanted to. I know Rhileias is a loyal person and if the rumors of Jowan are correct I can only imagine what she is feeling.

 _From the Journal of Rhileias Amell_  
I am so torn First Enchanter Irving confirmed that the Rite of Tranquility is because of Jowan is a blood mage. He has also asked that I help Lily and Jowan break into the repository. Jowan has been my friend since I came to the Circle. He knew my fears of blood magic the nightmares I still have. Why would he resort to such a thing. I think Cullen has noticed that I am feeling torn apart but I am not ready to talk about this. It would require explaining that I am not really an Amell but a Trevelyan. I am Rhileign Trevelyan, daughter of Knight Captain and Bann Trevelyan and Deidre Trevelyan. I cannot tell him that yet. I do not want to go back to Ostwick.

This is a continuation of my previous entry. I helped Jowan and Lily break into the repository to break his phylactery. Upon exiting the basement we were caught by Knight-Commander Greagior and First Enchanter Irving. It happened so fast Geagior announced Jowan’s sentence of death and Lily’s sentence to the Aeonor. Jowan lost it he pulled out a dagger and stabbed himself. After that I don’t remember much I ended up against the wall with a throbbing headache and maybe a cracked rib. Once Lily was taken away it was just myself in the room with Greagior and Irving. Geagior wanted to punish me. Irving talked him into letting me go with the Wardens as a reward for my service to the circle. Maker I understand how honorable this is and what kind of chance this is for me. But I do not want to leave the Circle this is my home. She has always been my home. I have thought about writing another note to Cullen but I still cannot tell him who I am.

 _From the Journal of Knight Lieutenant Cullen_  
Maker bless Rhileias. Apparently Jowan was a Blood Mage who loved an Initiate. The Initiate was sent to Aeonar. From what I heard Rhileias was there on orders from First Enchanter Irving. What was he thinking? Risking a newly harrowed mage to a blood mage and potentially a demon. Greagior was furious about it saying she had mocked the Circle even though she was there to maintain a sense of control in a very dangerous situation. First Enchanter Irving talked him down to rewarding her. Ha if you can call it that sending a Healer out into the field of battle. I begged to have the duty of walking her out of the tower but Greagior refused to budge. Maker I was her guardian if she was to be walked out of the tower it was my duty to do so. She looked so heartbroken to leave I felt the same. Out there I can not keep her safe. She will be conscripted into the wardens.

So Helen came to talk to me at the library. Oddly enough she had a box of cookies for me. “Rhileias has always had friends they gave her warning things where coming she never specified but I am pretty sure this is what she meant when she told me.” I thanked her and took the box of cookies and the letter. Once Helen left I read the letter. So she left me a way to contact her question is was it set ahead of time or as she left. I knew she was referring to the Mage’s Collective representative. The mages had their little guild but things where alright with them. Yes Apostates added these mages but it was also a way for Circle Mages to keep in contact together with each other. I had some time coming up where I could slip over to the bar and leave a letter.

 _A Letter to Grey Warden Healer Rhileias Amell from Knight-Lieutenant Cullen_  
Dear Rhileias,  
I can only imagine how you are feeling about all this. I tried to talk Greagior into letting me walk you out. I am so sorry we did not act on Jowan sooner. By the time you get this you will probably be a proper Grey Warden but I want you to know Wynne and Uldred are camped in Ostagar with a small circle. If you need to go stay with them. I cannot hazard to guess how many mages are in the Wardens. Stay Safe Rhileias and keep your casting sharp and clean. I know you will come back to the circle once this is all over.  
Maker Bless you,  
Cullen


	3. A Leap of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after Chapter Two in A Faint Dawn Coming.  
> The events after Ostagar, including Rhileias' promotion, the Becilian forest.  
> The Pendant referenced is a gift from Cullen during the Cullen-Mage Origin Mod I use.

_A letter to Knight-Lieutenant Cullen from Warden-Healer Rhileias Amell_  
Cullen,  
I got your letter when I arrived. Those words I needed them more then you know. I ache to be back in the circle. To listen to Helen’s horrible novels she somehow gets, to Anders’ latest escape plan. Ostagar is nice in the sense ruins turned into a war encampment go. The ruins look like they were not long ago occupied. Perhaps it is the magic from the Tevinter Magisters that lingers. When I arrived with Duncan we were greeted by His Majesty the King. He is well interesting almost like a puppy. He seems very confident even in myself. It is nice to see someone who is not frightened of mages. He is certainly a king of the people.  
You are correct I am a Grey Warden now. It was disconcerting. Two recruits died during the ritual. Daveth was a young man who tried to steal from Duncan who lived in a village not far from here. Ser Jory was from Redcliffe with a wife in Highever. Sometimes I wondered during our ritual how it was I a woman and a mage who lived her fair portion of life in a Circle was braver then they were. I have a new staff that wields a blade for close quarters combat. It is almost like the ones I used to design at the Circle. I also have armor they are similar to robes but they are leather and it is well different. I also have a dislike of chainmail and plate.  
As for my adventures here in Ostagar I spent some time with Wynne healing scouts when I first arrived. Then I meet Alistair who is I guess my mentor. He is nice a lot like Cailan. Very kind, confident and puppy like. Apparently he was recruited before he became a Templar. Daveth, Ser Jory, Alistair and myself went out into the wilds. We faced our first Darkspawn and I helped heal a Mabari and after the Battle may end up with said Mabari. I do not know a think about caring for a dog. I did speak to some Ash Warriors about it and they let me help care for their hounds a bit. I also learned the tale of how the Ash Warriors came to be. For a King you would suspect King Cailan to be busy but he has sought me out to ask questions about the Circles and mages a bit. After becoming a Warden I was summoned to the War Table. Alistair and Myself are given a special assignment signaling the Teyrn’s troops. I am glad to be out of the line of battle but I pray to the maker nothing goes wrong.  
Yours,  
Rhileias Amell  
(At the bottom is a sketch of a Mabari with his kaddis)

 _From the Journal of Knight-Lieutenant Cullen_  
Rhileias’ letter arrived to day the Mage’s Collective messenger looked haggard. When I asked him the situation he said it was unlikely he could get a letter from Ostagar till he was certain the outcome of the battle and that the battle was a turning point. I had to admit I rushed back to the tower so I could read her letter. She seems homesick but enjoying her time away from the Circle. I am glad she got to do some healing with Senior Enchanter Wynne. At least having some circle mages there will help her adjust to being out of the Circle. I had to admit I laughed when I found out she might end up with a Mabari. I honestly would never expect her to take to a wardog but she would be the one that would. She sounds sad about the Warden-recruits who failed their ritual. I can understand it. It is like watching an apprentice you hope will pass their Harrowing and then seeing them fail. Who knew the Mage’s Collective was good for Romance novels that were absolutely filthy and Love letters.  
It has almost been a fortnight and Wynne, Uldred and the others arrived. I looked desperately for Rhileias but she was not there. Uldred began talking about how the Wardens of the Grey betrayed their king and lead him and his men to their deaths and that Teyrn Loghain had saved them all from certain death. Wynne however looked displeased by Uldred’s outburst. I will wait till she goes to the library to ask her what truly happened at Ostagar. Maker I pray Rhileias is safe.  
From what I found out according to Wynne was that King Cailan had indeed given Alistair and Rhileias a special task that kept them out of the fighting. They were to light the Signal fire on the top of the Tower of Ishal. But the tower was not secured as they were lead to believe. She said that they had to probably fight their way to the top but they did secced in lighting the signal. Teyrn Loghain had left the field abandoning his King. She did not know if they survived but she did see an interesting creature a Dragon swoop into the tower and leave clutching something in her talons.  
Maker Preserve Rhileias. She has such a hard road in front of her.

 _From the Journal of Warden-Healer Rhileias Amell_  
Alistair and I are the only Wardens of the Grey in Fereldan. Duncan and the others are dead. Somehow Flemth of the Wilds saved us and healed us with her daughter Morrigan. I know why. The blight affects us all no matter our race, place of birth or class. As Wardens of the Grey first we need to unite Fereldan. Alistair suggested going and seeing Arl Emmon the man that raised him. I would like to go to the Arl but first we need to gather our armies. The Dalish are closest so perhaps we will go to them, then the Circle, then Ozammar. I am going to see Ozammar. Maker this is all so much to take in. After that we will go to Arl Emmon. We are heading to a little town called Lothering I remember it Uncle Amell said his cousins lived in Lothering. No doubt they left for Kirkwall.  
I feel sick, I am so terrified. Maybe I will leave Alistair and Morrigan in town long enough to go pray in the Chantry. Prayer always helped in the Circle. I should probably send a letter off to Cullen let him know I am still alive. According to Morrigan the pendant’s magic activated to save me from being killed it bought her mother time. After my prayer in the Chantry we spoke to the Templar in charge Ser Bryant I think. He told us about Emmon’s men coming through and aided us with some potions and told us about the rumors of our treason. Arl Emmon’s man said he was sick and they were looking for the Urn of Scared Ashes. It looks like we will be going to Denerim soon.

 _A Letter to Knight-Lieutenant Cullen from Warden-Healer Rhileias Amell_  
Cullen,  
I do not know what you have heard regarding Ostagar. I do know one thing is certain. The grey wardens did not betray the king. Duncan tried everything to convince his majesty to wait for reinforcements from Orlais and the Orlaisan Grey wardens. Alistair and I were lucky we made a friend in the wilds who saved us. She is a unique woman with a unique mother. The pendant it saved my life according to Morrigan the unique woman. It bought her mother time to help me. In these dark times I miss you so much. It seems like I am the one in command now since Duncan’s death.  
I know I will be coming to the Circle I just do not know when. Please stay safe and give Helen my best wishes. I do not know if Wynne made it back or not but if she did give her my wishes as well. She is far more perceptive then I would have thought. Your letter is close to my heart as it always will be.  
Yours Always,  
Rhileias Amell  
(At the bottom is a sketch of another staff)

 _A Letter to Warden-Healer Rhileias Amell from Knight-Lieutenant Cullen Rutherford_  
Dear Rhileias,  
Wynne suggested I write this even if I do not know if you made it off that damned tower. I miss you. I ate the rest of those cookies when Wynne told me what happened. Maker I hope you are alive and well. As for the Mabari well they are good hounds. My father had one his name was Fellis. He once took on a bear and came away from it very proud of himself. I think you would do well with a Mabari. Though it will not earn you any favors from Anders and Mr. Wiggums.  
I am glad they gave you some sort of armor. Leather is better than just robes. I could not see you in Mail or Plate, maybe a small scale with your leather. As for your staff I may or may not have shown Duncan a few of your sketches before you left. I wanted you to be as safe as possible. I hope that blade helped you in the tower. Maybe when you get back to the Circle I will help you balance it better.  
Rhileias Stay safe and take care of yourself.  
Yours,  
Cullen

 _From the Journal of Knight-Lieutenant Cullen Rutherford_  
Senior Enchanter Wynne suggested that I write a letter to Rhileias. She said it would help me work through my pain of not knowing. She is right. It did help. My thoughts are so jumbled though. There is a meeting tonight most of the Senior Enchanters and Enchanters are going to be there. Apparently Uldred wishes for the circle to offer support to Teyrn Loghain. Helen has been near inconsolable since Wynne arrived back at the tower and told her what happened. She even asked to be made Tranquil. Wynne told her that would be a foolish mistake but I can understand why Helen would want to be cut off from her emotions. I will have to finish this latter there is something going on. I think someone is screaming.

 _From the Journal of Warden-Commander Rhileias Amell_  
Alistair and I made it official today that of the two Grey Wardens in Fereldan as the person summoned to the War Table that I should be the Commander. I think I might be a bit hysteric. Morrigan gave me something for it. The potion tastes nasty. As I write this Rivan has his head in my lap giving me the biggest puppy eyes today. He is the mabari I cured back at Ostagar maybe it is fate. We are encamped with the Dalish they are suspicious but nice. In Lothering we met a ley sister who wished to join us. Her name is Leliana she is from Orlais and she has a kind heart. We also saved a Qunari soldier named or titled? Sten. He is alright but apparently I am not a woman because I fight. I think it is more pronounced that I miss the Circle now though. I still have not sent the letter yet. I am planning on sending it in Denerim. The Wonders of Thedas with have a messenger from the Mage’s collective.  
Tomorrow we venture out into the forest to do some wolf hunting. We need to cure the Dalish of the werewolf curse. I also promised the craft master to give him ironbark, and a hunter to find out what happened to his wife. As for the couple who have problems I am not sure what to do. I spoke to Ghenya and told her life was short and she could never know what will happen but if something happens Cammen she will always wonder and play what if. There is also the matter of the Halla. I will have to see what we can do about that. Any way I need to write another letter. I shall continue hopefully after this mess with the wolves is settled.

 _A Letter to Knight-Lieutenant Cullen Rutherford from Warden-Commander Rhileias Amell_  
Dear Cullen,  
I know this letter must sound like I am hysterical. Well that is not far off. As I said in my last letter Alistair and I are the only two wardens left in Fereldan. Well I am now Warden-Commander or well Commander of the Grey in Fereldan. My merits being the Warden that served as Duncan’s second at the War Table in Ostagar. I have a feeling that I was not his second but his replacement. He was not looking for recruits to bolster his numbers but a replacement should the inevitable happen. I do not see myself as a leader but I will hold us together. The blight must be stopped.  
I am sorry like I said I am pretty sure I am hysterical Morrgian gave me something for it. But I am still waiting for the potion to take effect so that I have a clear head. Tonight we are camped out in the Brecilian forest with a Dalish clan they are nice enough. We are going to aid them so that they may aid us with the blight. I am glad Duncan sent us after those treaties. After this we are going to Denerim to see if we cannot find more of Arl Emmon’s men to help them with their quest. They wish to find the Urn of Scared Ashes. Arl Emmon is part of our plan to halt Teyrn Logahin. After Denerim we may head to Ozammar or to the Circle to request of help. I think you would like Leliana our newest companion. She is Orlaisan and very kind. She is a Ley Sister and has become a confidant to me. Admittedly when we reach Denerim we both plan on going boot shopping.  
Remember the Mabari I told you that I helped cure well he found me outside of Lothering and warned us of a darkspawn attack. Now he is living in camp with us. I named him Rivan. We also rescued a Qunari solider who seems eager to help us in our cause so that is good I guess. Qunari are weird just so you know. I miss you Cullen I miss our nightly chess matches and that smug smile of yours.  
Always Yours,  
Rhileias Amell.  
(At the bottom is a sketch of Sten and Leliana)


	4. A Storm of Politics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unsent Letters and Journal Entries from Rhileias Amell after the Brecilian Forest and her reaction to the Circle's fall in Denerim  
> Cullen's unsent letters and journal entries from the Circle's fall

_A Letter to Knight-Lieutenant Cullen Rutherford from Warden-Commander Rhileias Amell_  
Dear Cullen,  
The Dalish are well interesting to say. Leliana is more than pleased with her bow that is from Ironbark. I have to admit I loved watching the craftmaster make her bow. It was almost like a type of magic on its own the way he handled the wood. Morrigan was not a fan of the way we were really treated but the Dalish are naturally untrusting of outsiders. Rivian was practically worshipped I fear I will have to stop giving him his nightly bone because of the amount of treats he got. Alistair was pleased to know I accepted becoming Commander of the Grey in Fereldan. I command one grey warden, an apostate shapeshifter, a ley sister, a Mabari, a qunari and a small force of Dalish hunters. I wonder daily why these people are trusting me with their lives. I am not a leader I am a healer. I still have trouble coming to terms with the fact I am a battle tested healer who has killed. Any way Sten well was Sten and apparently under the Qun I am not a woman because I fight. The Qun sounds confusing.  
As for myself I learned plenty about the Dalish and their elven gods. I brokered peace between the werewolves and ended the curse. We are leaving soon for Denerim. As I mentioned above I am know Warden-Commander and I am having a hard time coming to terms with it. I also cut my hair. I got flanked by a darkspawn and it had hold of me. I used my staff to cut my hair. I am fine, I did not get wounded by that. Hopefully I can come to the Circle again. We have a treaty with them and we really need the man power to defeat the blight. I miss the simple life I had before this all happened playing Chess with you, Helen’s horrid books, all the gossip I miss everything. I tried playing chess with Leliana and she cheated. I still won then I tried Alistair well he is better for Wicked Grace so is Morrigan and asking Sten to play just seems useless. I also am horrible at Wicked Grace. So either I was the best player in the circle of everyone being horrible or Leliana is cheating.  
I have not been sleeping well. I cannot enter the fade as easily anymore. I think it is something to do with hearing the darkspawn and this being a blight but I miss having a good night’s sleep.  
Yours,  
Rhileias Amell  
(At the bottom is a drawing of a Halla and a statue)

_From the Journal of Warden-Commander Rhileias Amell_  
I miss Cullen everything about him. The nightly challenge of trying to beat him at Chess. The smell of Armor Polish, Orange Oil and Shortbread. The way anytime I achieved something he had this smug smile. Golden eyes and Golden Hair. I worry I have changed too much for him love me. Morrigan and I have talked about him a few times. Morrigan has become a sister in an unlikely place. She offers a small comfort to me. Leliana has sung the chant with me a few times. We have finished our mission here in the Brecilian forest. I helped heal the Halla and I received a horn carved from the antler of one of the Halla. I helped Cammen speak to Gheyna they will be married soon and I was given an elven love tale. It reminds me of Cullen and Myself. I found the wife of the hunter and gave him her staff. He gave me a pendant for helping him. Keeper Zathrian is dead that is how the curse was ended and peace was brokered.  
Now we will head out to Denerim. Morrigan needs a better staff, Leliana needs shoes and armor, and Alistair needs better plate armor. I also need to find Brother Genitivi and learn more about the Scared Urn of Ashes. She could not earn Arl Emmon’s support if he was grievously ill. Denerim is more like our staging point at this rate. Maybe I can do some good there with the Chantry. I wrote another letter to Cullen. I told him about how I took up the mantle of Commander of the Grey for Fereldan. We have the Dalish hunters to our force to stop the blight but for Grey Wardens it is just me and Alistair. Hopefully the Circle and the Dwarves of Ozammar are willing to help. Then all we have left is stopping the Civil War and ending the blight.  
Morrigan gave me something so I can sleep tonight she says I should be alert when we head to Denerim. I tend to agree. I hope this potion drowns out the Archdemon atleast for tonight. I really need to sleep. A few hours a night is not working. Anyway hopefully my next entry will yield better news.

_From the Journal of Knight-Lieutenant Cullen Rutherford_  
The Circle has fallen. Abominations are everywhere. I have hidden way to write this down. I heard the great doors seal. No doubt they are waiting for a Rite of Annulment. The screams are horrible. I saw a cat become an abomination. A cat for Maker’s sake. Anders made it out before the doors where sealed in the initial chaos. I think Senior Enchanter Wynne is protecting the young children. As for the other Enchanters I think they are all up in the Harrowing Chamber with Uldred. Oh Maker I hope Rhileias does not come to the circle. I hear someone coming it sounds like a mage. Most of them now it seem to be blood mages.

_A Letter to Warden-Healer Rhileias Amell from Knight-Lieutenant Cullen Rutherford_  
Dear Rhileias,  
I do not know how to write these words but the Circle has fallen. I believe the Templars have ordered the Rite of Annulment. Even I agree with it. Things are bad here. The Mouser got possessed. Templars that were left behind the doors once they sealed the doors are being tortured. I know this letter will probably not find you till after the annulment but know that Maker preserve me I love you. I will not break for them. My faith will see me through. Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow. In their blood the Maker’s will is written. I must admit Rhileias you are my light.  
Yours,  
Cullen

_From the Journal of Warden-Commander Rhileias_  
I overheard in the Wonders of Thedas that the Circle had fallen Templars where halting all traffic of Tranquil there. Something must have shown on my face because Leliana and Morrigan dragged me out and found a quiet place to sit me down. Leliana was first asking me what was wrong. I think it was Morrigan that put Cullen being a Templar and my melt down over the circle falling together. “That was your Circle, where your Templar is stationed.” That was what she said all I could remember was nodding and explaining to Leliana what was going on. I was so numb so scared so terrified. I went to the chantry with Leliana after and prayed I think I went through the entire of chant of Trials.  
When we went to Brother Genitivi’s home Alistair seemed to notice something was off. We did not know much other than the Arl’s men went which was the pub the Spoiled Princess. All roads point home. Now to talk Greagior into letting me search for survivors before the rite of annulment. Cullen maker please let him be alive I know I have no right to ask this but keep him safe and whole. He is my guardian. His pendant has kept me safe since I have left him. Tomorrow we will head for the Circle. I need to brace myself for what will happen.

_A Letter to Knight-Lieutenant Cullen Rutherford from Warden-Commander Rhileias Amell_  
Dear Cullen,  
I can almost hear you telling me not to go to Kinloch Hold. You probably have prayed that I did not find out. That I will not come. To protect me from temptation. I appreciate it. Without you I am sure my days at Kinloch Hold would have been a different brand of life. I could have very easily become Tranquil. There were times where I feared my Harrowing where just talking to you helped me calm down and remember I could do it. But now it is my turn to protect you. Leliana and Morrigan saw me panic in the Wonders of Thedas when I heard the Circle fell. I do not know what I would do without them. I suppose this is something I have on a squadron of Templars my party and I can travel quickly.  
Cullen I dare say you will not recognize me. I am thinner, my hair is shorter, I am almost constantly tired. My casting is tighter I am no longer afraid of casting weather spells at enemies or attacking with my blade. Admittedly I am not good at standing at the back. I am all over the field of battle healing my allies and defending myself. I honestly do not know if you would be proud of Warden-Commander and Healer Rhileias Amell. Know that I love you I have loved you longer then I care to admit.  
Yours Always,  
Rhileias Amell  
(at the bottom is a small drawing of Alistair playing with Rivian)

**Author's Note:**

> For your reference Rhileias Amell(Rhileign Trevelyan) with short hair.  
> I know I state she has mid back length hair but I play her with short.  
> http://i.imgur.com/RZ0VP8u.png  
> Mods used where More_Hairstyles and Pineappletree's vibrant colors


End file.
